she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
