i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
