Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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