im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He has the fingertips of a God
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