I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
