Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
