During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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