you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
