ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
