I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize