So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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