god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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