toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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