So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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