We named our party play list daddy issues
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize