I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
