Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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