OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Text me some of your sweat
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
