I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
