OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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