At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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