My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
