I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
