Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
