so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
