Taylor Swift is so right about you.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
