You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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