Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
