i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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