I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
