You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
