I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
