Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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