so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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