You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
