No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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