I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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