I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
