I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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