youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
