things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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