we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
