I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
