You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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