how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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