Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
