Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Still dying that you shit outside
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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