dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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