i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Did I show you my penis last night?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
