I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
