Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
