3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
