I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
