don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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