i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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