Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
