And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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