I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
