Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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