My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
