The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
