last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
