please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
