Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
