I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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