i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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