I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
