I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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