Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I will be naked everywhere
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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