ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
