I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
