if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
