i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
