I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
