right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
