they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
