Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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