Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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