Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize