Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
