We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
