She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
