i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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