When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
