I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize