u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
