Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
