Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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