and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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