Already got asked if we're dating
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
