party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
