Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
