It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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