And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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