mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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