people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize