eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
