White coat. Heels.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
