I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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