Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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